i need to not be here
2001-01-22 - 17:43:33
What a day.What a fucking day.
this morning started with me being a bag of nerves cos i had 2 exams today.The first 2 uni.exams of my life.I went in to the film exam feeling slightly better than the last time i wrote...big scary exam hall...but i sat down looked at the paper and got writing.I didn't stop for 2 hours...at least the 2 questions i picked were moderatley promising.
That exam done i was feeling pretty good and went to the library to study for the next exam..French grammar...joy.
French exam started at 3 and i finished at half 3...i hope to God that's a good sign.
So then i was s'posed to be meeting my girlfriend at 4 in the library...went in and couldn't find her so i hung about for a while and met her at 10 past....i dunno what changed in me...i mean it was so great to see her,i've missed her the past few days cos of studying..but suddenly from feeling so good i felt so down..i don't know what it was... she asked how the exam went and i wanted to pour out everything about the exams but i felt like i was boring her,although i don't think now that i was but it felt like it at the time..she said nothing was wrong when i asked..ok.
We came back to mine for a while and mum didn't mind that she was here.she was actually really nice and asked her about her exams and things,it was good..mum even invited her to stay for dinner!!!but she had to go home,her own parents were expecting her home....i missed her as oon as she left.
Me and mum had a good old chat about the exams..it was good to talk about them.
My sister came home and didn't even ask how they went which annoyed me and when she finnaly did i started to tell her and then realised that she wasn't even listening.How nice.
My dad came home about half 10 and basically wanted the me to connect the comp for him so he could look at shares or something...for a 'quick 10 minutes' he said...he knew i wanted on and had been planning on it before him..however he then proceeded to sit here for 50 minutes and pis me off royaly.He also didn't ask about my exams..is it too much to ask for for your family to be even slightly interested in how your day was when it involved your first big uni exam?!..must be...maybe i just expect to much
NOw one of my former best friends who moved to edinburgh and absolutley promised to keep in touch is online and she's just being a fucking pain in the arse....i really cannot be fucked talking to her,she makes me sick..she comes back and is once again the centre of attention with everyone rushing to make her feel important..they all forget that she doesn't get in touch for months and then writes asking for favours..she is such a bitch.
ugh..i have to go to bed.i have been online far too long and am wasting money and valuable sleeping time
All i want right now is my girlfriend..i just want her here with me and we can just go to bed and sleep and not have to worry about waking up..i need to not be here.
I really need to not be here.