I've been at the hospital every day since the last time i wrote here.Sorry I haven't been updating much but by the time i get home i'm just really tired and there's a million and one other things that have to be done before i go to bed.

My little sister is still in hopsital..she's getting better though i think,slowly but she's getting better.She sat up for half and hour yesterday and was looking at presents people have brought her and some cards.She liked the perfume my big sister brought back from Australia for her (she came back on Tuesday morning.On the way back from the airport another car drove into the back of ours..it wasn't really his fault, everyone had to brake suddenly and he just came into us.I have whiplash but apart from that we're all ok and the car only has a little damage)

She smiled and talked and asked how everyone was..she wasn't 'fine' like she sometimes says she is when you ask, but she was the best i've seen her all week and it was good.

Yesterday she had a few spoonfuls of soup,it was the first time she's eaten anything at all since last saturday..she was sick shortly after but it was a good sign that she felt hungry.

Today my mum bought some Rusks for her.Baby biscuits i know but i love Rusks especially if i'm not feeling well..they're nice and light and easy to eat and full of nutrients and things.She ate half of one with some milk,she even enjoyed it.She was sitting up and she had her eyes closed and was chewing very slowly but every time she stopped she had this little sleepy smile on her face like she's always had since she was a baby.

Sometimes i look at her and she's just so gorgeous..i just go on looking at her and then she opens her eyes and looks back..probably seeing me sitting grinning like an idiot....but anyway.

She wanted to try moving her right leg today of her own accord.Obviosly nurses are always coming in asking her to try and move it bus so far she hasn't ben able to.Today she moved her toes and then managed to lift her hip slightly.

She was so happy that she'd done it.

She looked at her leg and did it again and then just lay down smiling and exhausted and went back to sleep.

Hopefully she'll start eating soon so that they can take the drip out,it's really starting to annoy her and it's in the hand of her bad arm so it's only making it harder for her to move it.At least she can feel it now though, when they put it in on Monday she didn't even feel the needle going in at all.

Most of the nurses are a nightmare.They are so inconsiderate..i seriously wonder why some of them are in the job.

I think they think that we're fussing over her, because there's always someone with her.The seem to forget that she's only 14 and don't seem to take into account that she doesn't like being left on her own, she doesn't want to wake up in a hospital bed with no one else there to help her if she needs something and most of all she hates the nurses.

There are a few in partiuclar who really don't seem to have a clue and a couple of auxilliaries who seem to think that they know better than the nurses or the doctors or the patient's family.I'm not joking, the kid has severe head pain and they come in going 'HOW ARE YOU TODAY?!!' she'll say she has a headache and so they come over and touch her head, adding pressure that is exruciating and say 'IF SHE HAS A HEADACHE SHE SHOULD GET SOME PAINKILLERS' so we reply,in a whisper,'she just had her painkillers,she can only get them every 4 hours so we're really just trying to keep the noise down so that it doesn't hurt her'. This cues them to say 'OH RIGHT,IS YOUR HEAD STILL SORE THEN?ARE THOSE PAINKILLERS NOT WORKING?I'M JUST GOING TO MOVE THIS JUG OF WATER(*banging a jug of water down**rustling a bag**bumping into the bed*) We reply, in slightly firmer whisper, 'we just really need to keep the noise down!' to which the woman, who has no need to even be in the room at all gets offended, stands upright looking all affronted and stares at me 'RIGHT THEN,I SEE,HMPH!' and leaves banging the door shut.To which my little sister is cringing and then musters up the effort to whisper, 'I'm going to hit that woman' with vengeance in her voice.That particular woman in an auxilliary who just seems to pop in for the sole purpose of talking loudly and waking her up as soon as she manages to get settled.

She's been in a lot of pain since Saturday,pain in her neck,in her leg,in her arm and a lot of pain in her head.She has painkillers that are one step down from morphine injected every four hours.There's usually always 2 of us with her at any time and we are completely silent unless she wants to talk or wants us to do anything for her.She needs constant attention though, when she's in pain she needs help to move, move her pillows,help turn her round.She likes us to move her arm so that she can see her hand.She need help moving her leg,she gets cramp in it or it causes her pain if it's not in exactly the right position.When she says that she needs to go to the toilet she means right now..not when a nurse can bother her arse to stop talking to her mates or reading the newspaper.

I'm not joking I've come so close to slapping a few of them.

My little sister is 14..it's an embarassing age to be at at the best of times, never mind if you're stuck in a hospital bed, having to use bedpans and having your sister/mother/aunt help you go to the toilet.She had her period this week to, just to add to the horribleness of the entire situation for her.She understandably prefers if there aren't random other people in the room, eg a horrible ward Sister who yesterday came in and attempted to have a conversation over her, whileshe was trying to go to the toilet.It is a major effort for the kid to go to the toilet, she does not need you standing there, embarassing her,talking loudly,causing her pain!!fuck off!

It was almost time for her painkillers yesterday but she needed to go to the toilet, she had asked us not to let anyone else come into the room because she just can't do it while they're there.The Sister knowcked on the door and came in, i turned and said, 'can you give us 2 seconds please, she's just..'and gestured to the bed. She looked incredibly annoyed and said 'fine'.She came back 2 seconds later and I again tunred, very politley,with an apologetic smile and said..'sorry,she's not done yet..could you....?' to which she said ' No, I'm coming in now' and just came right into the room! My little sis looked as if she was about to cry out of sheer frustration, she couldn't continue with what she was doing, she was severly pissed off and very embarassed, using her good hand to yank her sheet over her and try to cover herself a bit before this woman was standing over her.She gave her injection and made another few annoying abrupt comments and then, as she was leaving said to my wee sis that she should have agood long sleep now (from which she had just awoken)and that having someone with her all the time wasn't good for her, it was keeping her awake and it was all too much. Basically telling us to leave her on her own!

Needless to say we were all very annoyed..there were a few instances like that today as well.One in particular where me and my big sis were asked to leave the room so she could have her injections.We've never had to do that before, ever.When i came back in my sis had the sheet over her face, like she does when she's been crying. I don't see why we had to leave the room, or what took them so long..it was just the routine injections and if it was anything different then thay should have told us about it.She was drifint off to sleep though so i didn't get to ask her what had happened, later on she just said they were annoying and that she didn't like being on her own with them.

They're just too used to working on an adult ward and don't like it that theres always someone around to see what they're doing..or more importantly not doing, like giving painkillers on time, changing drips,being nice, for instance.

Don't get me wrong there are a couple of decent ones and I know they're over worked and underpaid, but some of them are lazy,loud, brash,nasty and don't even know what advice the doctor has given us. Like telling her to go to sleep all the time...the consultant wants her sitting up as much as possible, eating,trying to move around.

At least being well enough to hit a nurse is giving her something to work towards!

I'm going to call my sis Elaina from now on because it's her favourite name...I better get to bed now cos i don't want to fall asleep tomorrow at the hospital. It's my shift from 2 until 6.30..i don't know how i'm going to get there yet though.I might have to actually figure out a bus route....i better get going.

Hopefully tomorrow she'll be better again and be well enough to want to try and move her leg..and every day she'll get a little better...

Oh, the condition they think she has is called AVM (arteriovenous malformation), all the information i know about it is here.Longterm,there are a lot of things to think about, there will have to be some kind of treatment, most likely she will have to have surgery of somekind in order to deal with the AVM..i think thats why they haven't discussed long term treatment with us yet...there's a long way to go.My aunt met a woman who has had this happen to her 4 times yesterday, even after radiosurgery...i don't want her to go through this again.

I wish i could take her place.

She just has to be ok.