I feel horrible.Really horrible.

My girlfriend was online last night and she read my diary entry from last night..i told her i didn't mind..i kinda wanted to see how she'd react..and she reacted well..pretty damn well..i stayed on line for another hour...and said i would goup to her's sometime today.Problem.My mum had to go out today...and i had to babysit so i didn't get to go over until half 3...she was working at half 5...which left us with less than 2 hours instead of a whole day.

So i went over(and yes,i lied about where i was going) and now i feel horrible.I mean it was really good while i was there,but now...i feel like i just went over and used her and it wasn't s'posed to feel like that and i NEVER EVER want it to feel like that again.I feel absolutley disgusted with myself.It was 'sposed to be such a good day and now i'm online and i apologised for being so selfish today and it's started this while big discussion that i wish i'd never started.It's all my fault.I feel like i'm digging my own grave here..everything i say just comes out wrong.God.

I don't know what i'm doing,or saying...i'm just getting myself and her confused about issues where there isn't really an issue in the first place!

Have you ever wanted to just go back in time a few minutes and actually listen to what you're about to say so you can realise how absolultley stupid it would sound if you said it?

hmmmmmm..anyway..i should go and sort this out,i feel so bad,empty.

Lesson for today: there's a BIG difference between sex and making love..the first one can be really good if both people want it..but nothing beats the second,nothing.