So it's been just over a month since my last update and things are going well. Really really well. It is kind of like going out with a new man, only it's just all the great bits of the same one. Sure there have abeen a couple of times when I've had to stop him and say 'Really?!- you think this is how it should be?!' But whereas before he just wouldn't have seen what the problem was now he'll come over and try and sort it out. And even if at the end of it we still disagree at least we've talked about it and understand how the other person feels and why and will make more of an effort next time.

He's been away filming and things quite a bit recently but calls every day. It feels more organic now as well, like we're actually just calling each other to genuinely have a chat whereas before I felt like he was doing out of some sense of duty. Now he sounds genuinely excited to talk to me and tells me when he misses me and is thinking about me. He tells me what he's happy or worried about and asks my advice on things and when I have a problem he's the first person I want to call.

We've had a couple of Christmas parties and work nights out together as well- and work nights out were always a bit contentious before as it was as if we weren't really a couple at social events that involved work people. I don't mean that we should have been coupley and things- no one wants that- but I certainly think that people should be able to tell that we�re together. Anyway, there was the first of the departmental Christmas drinks a couple of weeks ago. I arrived first and was chatting to folk and he arrived a bit later. He came to say hello and then went to chat to some of his team. I thought ' here we go again..maybe this hasn't changed' but after a few minutes he came back and chatted to me..and we chatted to folk together and had a dance and basically had a really great time being sociable and a couple at the same time. I know that's how it always should have been so I might appear to be getting a bit too excited about it but it really was such a difference. I had fun, he had fun, I didn't feel like he was ignoring me, he didn't feel like I was being needy.It was just really good. At one point we went outside for a smoke and it was just the two of us out there. He was sitting up on a picnic table and I was standing in front of him. I can't remember now what we were talking about but I really made him laugh and as he was laughing he said ' I fucking love you'. I didn't know how to react so kind of didn't and he quickly said something else and we carried on talking and laughing. But he said it by accident and that makes me feel good. I didn't jump on it as a big serious statement because I know he didn't mean it in that way. But there have been so many times when he's said or done something when I've almost done the exact same thing and it's good to know that he has moments like that too.. Maybe I should have reacted. Maybe he thinks I was freaked out by it and ignored it..? Maybe he didn�t even register that he'd done it. I don't know. We haven't talked about it . But I know that if I accidentally let it slip out now that I won't feel so bad about it.

He's generally more affectionate and thoughtful and just�everything really. He was away filming all of last week and was going to drive to his mum and dad's on Saturday and then come home for the day on Sunday but called to say that he missed me too much and would be home on Saturday night. That's the difference between driving 4 hours from Ipswich to Yorkshire and 8 hours from Ipswich to Glasgow- in the snow. It was so good to see him and we had a really really lovely Sunday together. But at the end of yesterday I had to watch him pack all over again.

He came in to work for a while today and is away now- up to Edinburgh to see some friends and then home to Yorkshire tomorrow morning for Christmas. I'll see him on the 27th for 2.5 days and then he'll be away to Paris for new year and then snowboarding in the Alps for 2 weeks so I won't see him again until the 12th January. I was really sad when he left today, eventhough I'll see him in 6 days. Sad with the anticipation of then not seeing him for 2 weeks. And the fact that him and his brothers and girlfriends will be coming to the train station at the same time as me but getting on a different train 12 minutes earlier which will take them to London and then on to Paris. And I'll be left on the platform waiting for my train back to Glasgow where I have no plans for new year. Actually none, and all my mates are either away or having a quite one with their significant other. And that feels a bit crap. But his tickets were booked while we were split up and they're going snowboarding and skiing, and I can do neither and don't have a grand to waste learning in Val D'isere at New Year while the rest of them are speeding around so it doesn�t make sense for me to go anyway really. But the thought of spending new year with him is lovely, and 2 weeks with him and without work would be even better. And I've still never kissed anyone at the bells- even when I've been in a couple it's never been appropriate as there has always been family around and no matter how fine they were with it I couldn't go kissing girls in front of them.

But anyway, I guess that it's actually really good that I'm going to miss him so much..because it means that things are going well and that I made the right decision. I know it's only a month in and anything and everything could change, even while he's away, but right now it feels really good.And I know that it's not just one sided because of everything that he's been saying and doing.

And I can't wait to see him on Sunday.Is it bad that I'm more excited about that than about Christmas?