Well- 18th September 2009 it's finally here. 6 whole years have gone by. And all of those things we thought might happen..haven't happened. We both still live in the same city. We still talk, we still see each other..I go to tkd and, if we're both at the same class, we practice takedowns on each other!

It's mad to look back on those entries and realise that the future is now. And I guess the thing is that neither of us are in Canada. Levi is in Australia on holiday with her girlfriend. I'm in Glasgow, going out with a boy. And good to think that all the sadness of those days is gone and now we're still mates and can have a laugh and a drink and still talk to each other about stuff. It's a funny feeling actually but not one i feel the need to dwell on.

I told E about the boy mk1 and it went really really well. As soon as i started talking about how it was something i should have told her sooner etc.. she guessed what it was. ' did you sleep with boy1?' ' yup..' and that was that. She could see that i was really nervous about telling her and asked if i was ok! She thanked me for telling her and said that she kind of hoped that he did tell her out of spite now just for the look on his face when she says 'yeah, i know, she told me'. Then we had a good chat mostly about what a cock he is..and she asked if i still wanted to go out for drinks on thursday. And that was that. It feels very good to finally have it out there. Although i still feel,well, ashamed about it..and a bit more so now that everyone knows..

After the pub last night me and M cycled back to mine (slightly drunkenly , yes) and i think we both had the same idea about how to end the night. He made some offhand comment about boy1 though that just really upset me..about how i should have told him before. I said that it didn't matter because it was before i even knew him and asked if he had anything to say about it- because he should say it now. He said no, he didn't have anything to say..but this is what i was worried about if i told him. That outwardly he'd say he didn't care about it but every now and then, especially if drunk, he might bring it up in some passive agressive, even subconscious way. I turned over and we fell asleep on the argument, which is never good. This morning he ' couldn't remember' what he'd said and when i told him he said he still didn't understand why i'd gone in a mood about it. I didn't explain because at the time i couldn't and really it's quite simple. I told him something that i've said is the thing that I'm least proud of..if he comments on it he should at least understand that it's a sensitive subject. And definitely not think that it's the kind of thing to say just before bed..
He's off sailing this weekend with the boys from work and, when leaving from work, with the boys , there's never really a proper goodbye..or a good bye at all. So i feel a bit as if things aren't really properly resolved. I text him to say to have fun but haven't gotten anything back. I don't expect anything over the weekend while he's 'at sea'. Will just need to see what happens on Sunday when he gets back. He probably doesn't even think there is a problem and maybe there isn't really..
Anway It's Friday night after a long weekend- a long month really- in the office and I'm off to have my first full weekend without work for 4 weeks.