ok, so starting to get really scared about going to Canada.

I know we've both been writing about going for so long and I'm still really looking forward to it and can't wait to spend time with Levi.

But i keep being in the middle of a conversation with my mum and just thinking..i'm not going to see her for 3 whole months.

That is a hell of a long time.

The other night she came into my room for something and asked if i was ok and i just started crying,and of course she gave me a hug and i just cried more.

She's being so helpful and everything and we're getting on so well right now that i feel so guilty about going away.

She took me shopping yesterday and bought me so much stuff and has been helping me with getting everything organised..and i feel awful for going away...i mean i've never even been away from home before for longer than 2 weeks..i've never been on holiday with friends or anything and now here i am going half way across the world for 3 months and i really don't have a clue what i'm doing.

My older sister keeps saying how she'll have sat her new surgeons exam and my little sister will be in second year and my aunt might have a new job and all this other stuff by the time i get back and it all seems so far away.I can't even remember what i was doing 3 months ago...and that how long i'll be away for.

i know that there is no one i would rather go with than Levi..and that we will be fine. But any time we argue lately i wonder how we're going to cope being on our own for so long,living in the same room..Levi has never shared a room with anyone before..it won't be easy for a while....although i know that it will be great just to come home to one another at the end of the day and be able to lie in bed just talking or snuggling into one another or doing nothing at all...i just keep having this niggling feeling in the back of my mind.

What if?

What if we don't get along..what if we fall out..what if we find out things that we don't like about one another..what if what if what if. I don't want us to come back from this feeling any less for one another..it should be something that should make us stronger,but as people keep on saying...there's always that possibility...

That fear of the unknown or maybe having to find out something that you just don't want to know.

Ok so now Levi is online and we're back to talking about how long we're going to be away and how we'll just end up in tears at the airport...

and how i'm in tears now just thinking about it.