hey ya!..i like that song :)

Yeah so..last night instead of the usual girly night C.A invited me, K and M (the 'young ones' as the rest of the group call us) over for dinner cos most other people couldn't make it.We went over around 7 and she'd made some really nice pasta and garlic bread..we just sat around and chatted and then started drinking wine.It was nice..K and me always forget that we've known each other since school and that we actually have a fair bit in common.I can't believe how long it has taken me to become friends with some/most of the people i'm friends with now.I distinctly remember meeting some of them..like C.A for instance back in 1st year of uni and then just drifting away and us all keeping to ourselves..if only we'd realised then that we'd make great friends..but everything happens for a reason...and besides i was too busy having a brilliant time with Levi.

So yeah M and K left some time just before midnight and we were all really tired and stuff..i was gonna stay just for a little while but then we both (me and C.A) somehow woke up or something (cos we both stay up far too late for our own good all the time and seem to be more awake at night than during the day) and C.A suggested opening another bottle of wine.So we did..and just got tipsier and then drunker and chatted away about everything and anything, and came online..and she may now know how to find my journal..but bah..i know how to find her's too if i really wanted to, and besides there isn't really anything here that i wouldn't tell her anyway so yeah..if you stumble accross this then hi, i guess!Older entries are much more interesting than the ones i write now!

..I left some time just after 2 and was still wide awake and could have stayed for ages but thought it best not to and came home..besides we would have only opened that 3rd bottle of wine..and then how bad would we have felt today at all?!

So yeah i had a really good night..C.A is good to get drunk with :)..and to be sober with too but you know what i mean!!

I read back a few entries just to see what she would read if she did come here..and realised tht i've actually been mentioning her quite a lot lately..which would be a bit weird to see..but i usually don't mind stumbling upon stuff that other people might have written about me..it's intersting to see how other people really think of you...or something i dunno...she knows i luv her anyway!!..and i'm not going to spend anymore time wondering about who may or may not read this..its here,if its going to be read it will be.

erm..what else..me and Levi spent the best part of a day with each other the other day.It was nice..when i wasn't thinking about all the reasons we shouldn't have been doing it was really nice.I felt a bit strange and a wee bit upset on my way home..but i think that was inevitable.I just so miss the comfortable closeness and physical contact that we get from each other. I think it would all be fine..to be doing things like that i mean, if she weren't going out with someone.Its not fair on HNG. Even if it doesn't mean anything i still know that if i was HNG i wouldn't want her to still be so close to her ex.....

Bloody valentines day stuff has been doing my head in completley.Although the Eastenders(a soap opera) episode tonight did make me smile i must confess,but probably because of the sordid semi-incestous relationship that you just know is going to blossom..hee hee

I just read back to my valentines entry from 2002..its amazing how many little things you just kinda forget until you specifically remind yourself about them..in this case by reading.It was an amazing day :) I don't have an entry for last year..which is disappointing and annoying..although i do remember what happened and it was good..but i went back to levi's journal to see what she had to say about it all and it ends with the words 'things just weren't quite right'.I read on through her entries from Valentines day onwards for a wee while..and mine too and realised how little we were writing about each other in a good way...I hardly wrote at all last year ..about anything so there isn't much to base anything on.But in Levi's entries..even when she was writing about something that I'd been at..she sometimes doesn't even mention that i was there.Like in one of them she says she went to see Chicago and out for cocktails and in brackets writes that it was because of my birthday..and thats it.I didn't even write about valentines day..or our anniversary!We were constantly writing about arguing..lack of sex.She was feeling indifferent to everything and having sleeping problems and stuff back then in the same way that i was when we split up..It's strage reading it all..cos whenever i thought about it, it seemed like us breaking up was such a sudden thing..but reading all of that..or the lack of writing about each other anyway...it's weird. There really isn't any point in saying any of this. Its just strange that its Valentines day again...no cards or presents or snuggles this year.It's sad and shit and it upsets me and make me feel detached at the same time.I feel like the last year has just folded over itself,completely dissappeared.It's like time went straight from 2002 to 2004..everything inbetween is probably completley repressed.Which is a shame cos i know that there were some brilliant times in there.I suppose you either remember the good with the bad, or it all gets locked away together.

so yeah Happy Valentine's day.I hope all of you who have someone special hold on to them tight and have a great day.Even if it is all a big commercial scam, it's important..don't let things slip.Buy those flowers,make that meal,make wonderful love.

God i wish i still wrote like i used to.

Back in the day.