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long time no write

2004-07-17 - 5:34 p.m.

ok, ok, so I know I've been a very bad diarylander!with no updates for over 70 days I should be ashamed of myself and i am, don't worry.I really don't know where all the time has gone at all.

So exams..exams at the time were pretty horrrible, the aftermath..going out,the grad ball, getting my results, graduation itself, was all good. I got a 2:1 for my degree so i'm pretty happy with that..now all I need to do is manage to get a job with it!..if anyone knows anyone who works in the media/film/t.v and they're looking for a runner/intern/assisstant/trainee then let me know!It doesn't even matter what country you're in..if the opportunity is good...

So what have i been up to, eh?...well, finished the exams..went out quite a bit..was so so happy not to be in the library every single day anymore.Now, though, it's a bit strange to think that i'll probably never be back there. I went back for the last time after the last exam to hand in some books and it was a really weird, sad feeling to know that that was it.No more library, no more studying,no more essays, exams..in short: no more being a student. So to be honest, now i'm all kind of up in the air. I know i need to get a job, and i know i'd like it to be something to do with my degree...but at the same time I don't have any really strong ambition..i feel as if i'm still waiting to be inspired, but i don't really have the time to sit around and wait for something which might never happen. I have applied to a few places, but no luck so far.I think I'm just going to have to get some kind of full time work for the minute, just to get some cash in, and then hope that i don't just get stuck there and forget to look for a proper job, like so many other graduates seem to do. You meet them a few years after they've left uni to find that they're still working in that shop/supermarket/office that was supposed to be a temporary cash-flow fix. I don't want that to be me.

MY little sis was in hospital for her brain surgery 2 weeks ago. Her recovery has been amazing! Apart from some bad facial swelling, headaches and nausea in the first few days, she's been fine! She's still getting the headaches sometimes, but if it wasn't for the fact that some of her hair is missing (from where they shaved it off to make the incisions) you would never know that she had even been in hospital! She went in on monday the 5th and got out exactly one week later. Which i think is pretty awesome, following a 5 hour major operation!

Things with Felix are going really well. We've been together for just over 4 months now, although it feels like much longer..I think that's just because there has been so much going on, what with exams and waiting for the results and graduation and my sister's operation and everything. WE went to my grad ball together and had a really nice time. I love the dress that i bought and wish i had an opportunity to wear it again...but i don't see that happening any time soon. Felix wore her tux (which i know sounds like an amazingly buth and dykey thing to wear..but really it's a female armani tux..so it's gorgeously tailored, very elegant and supremely sexy) and brought champagne and long stemmed roses to my door on the night.

I got a call from G about half an hour before we left the house to go to the ball, asking if i'd checked the results online that day. I said no..and he said.."well i just checked mine and there's something there that says upper second class...what does that mean then?" To which i replied "OH MY GOD,G, you got a 2:1!! Congratulations!" He was pretty excited about it, but underplayed it in a very G kinda way, saying "oh, right..ok, well that's good then right?....hmm..ok..well i'll let you go and check yours..see you in half an hour!" I knew that i probably shouldn't check mine before the ball, incase they were bad and i got upset and didn't feel like going, but Felix said that if i didn't check i would just sit and wonder, and probably worry, for the entire night.Which was true. So i came to the computer and checked my results, in the way that i've always checked my results since standard grades (the first high school exmas you take in Scotland): on my own, and without telling anyone that I'm doing it (by anyone, i mean my parents)..and there it was, upper second class, a 2:1..so i went and told my parents, and they were over the moon and cracked open the champagne that felix had brought, and toasted my success. We headed out to the ball, which turned out to be a really good night, that i had the pleasure of filming on C.A's new video camera (which actually makes for pretty good viewing...although with no shots of my good self in it..as ususal)The night ended up with going back to Felix's flat, the first time that my mum had agreed to let me stay there (although i had kinda been before..so shoot me!)She had prepared a little midnight feast, and so we had a picnic in her living room before calling it a night.

Graduation was a somewhat strange, if good in the end, kind of day. Started off with going to get my hair cut, just a little shorter that last time so that it's now just below chin length..(and for the first time ever means that Levi's hair is actually longer thatn mine!) Then Felix picked me up and took me for a graduation day breakfast, before dropping me off at home. I got ready, in my long black dress and heels, and headed of to meet C.A and G and the rest of the class. So there we all were, like a bunch of excited little school kids..only we were a bunch of excited little about-to-be graduates. We collected our gowns and hoods and looked like extras from Harry potter!The gowns were actaully really nice and it was a bit disappointing that we had to pay 27.50 only to give them back after a few hours. The ceremony itself was not too long and we all knew quite a few of the other graduands, so it was nice to see people that we hadn't seen from first year. It was also interesting to scan your eye down the list of names, looking for the little * which denoted someone with a 1st..and curse them under your breath for being so damn clever..while outwardly clapping and smiling and wishing it was you...but really..I'm not bitter! A 2:1 is well good enough for me!...although it does make me think..maybe if i had just worked that little bit harder..that little bit more..ach,but it's all over now, so there is really no point with what ifs! I did get a couple of 1sts for 2 film papers though, in children's television and screen performance, so i'm well happy with that!

My sis felt ill half way through the ceremony so she went home with my other sister and aunt..which was a bit worrying and kinda ruined the middle of the day. I came out of the hall and eventually found my parents who told me the bad news..and then i spent the rest of the time looking for other family members and trying to arrange photos and worrying about my wee sis. Eventually she came back though, feeling fine, and we were the very last people to get the photos taken..by which time i had missed all my friends and they'd gone for their famil dinners and what not.So that was kinda crap.But anyway...after the photos we came home and there was card and present receiving and dinner at 78 St Vincent.Which was really very good. After that I went out for a drink with some folk from my class, my big sis and Felix.So it was a good day in the end.

In between all of that I've been working at the deli a couple of days a week,went down to visit my big sis in Sheffield for a weekend and Felix took me to London for the weekend. I met some of her friends from when she used to live and work down there and apart from that we basically ate out a lot, went to the theatre,went up the London Eye, did other touristy things, went wine tasting (getting drunk in a classy way!)..drank a lot of vodka, and had a really great time.

She runs her family business right now but has gotten completley fed up with it because of her parents and is thinking of leaving (which, believe me..would be a very good idea!) It would really be the ideal time for her to go travelling, and in a way..the ideal time for me to go to...what with not having a job or any finiancial ties here...so..i don't know. Do i start making plans with her to go travelling after only 4 months together...even if it does feel like much much longer, in a good way?..so yeah..that's another way in which things are all up in the air.

hmmm

anyway..i better get going..this entry is far too long and i need to go and wrap my papa's birthday present and make him a card...

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