So, this time yesterday i was somewhere in the middle of France in a car with my folks. Now i'm home...I've been awake all night..we were s'posed to get the eurotunnel back this morning at 11.30 and then spend the day driving home but as it turned out we couldn't get a hotel room any nearer to Calais than about 70 miles away. We contemplated just sleeping in the car over night since dad had been driving all day yesterday aswell but we talked a bit about it and decided just to get the 10.30pm train last night and then see if we could find anywhere to stay in England since it only takes half an hour to cross the Channel and then the clocks would go back an hour as well. I was one of those who voted for taking the earliest train. Although it meant the end of the holiday, the end of all the fabulous food and the sun i couldn't help thiking...the quicker we leave the quicker we'll get home and the quicker I'll see the girl.MMMMMM. god how much I've missed her.I'll tell you about the holiday a bit later but we spent a lot of time in the mountains which she would have loved..we didn't really get any walking in but if she had been there...we would have done so many things. And then being in Milan..she's never been and I'd love to show her around, take her shopping and for lunch at one of the streetside cafes at Piazza del Duomo...I think she'd really like it..and then being in France and passing near to Strasbourg which is where we properly met each other for the first time....hmmmm.So yes, I was really looking forward to seeing her. I stayed up all night with my dad-he was driving and I was navigating, I didn't get us lost once, which i think is pretty good when you have the London ring-roads and roadworks to deal with..but anyway. The nearer we got the more excited i got too..we arrived outside our house thismorning at 7.20 am..everything was quiet being a sunday and all but the sun was shining and the others woke up and we unloaded the car..and believe me we had a lot of stuff to unload...my dad loves food and wine and we spent 2 weeks in France and Italy,go figure. So yeah we got in..i was still totally hyper which no one could understand cos i'd been like that right through the night..but it was the thought of seeing the girl.

I went down to the supermarket at 9 to get some bread and things and everything was so sunny..

We had something to eat around half 10 and then i went to my room and started unpacking my stuff, trying to decide what to wear to go and see the girl. I had a couple of voice mails from her that sounded as if she'd been out clubbing last night-really loud music and a faint drunken voice. So i texted her saying that i was home and that i didn't want to wake her up if she'd gotten in late but to give me a call. A couple of minutes later the phone rang and it was her...happiness is :-) Then she started going on about there not being any running water and i was wondering what she was talking about, I was also surprised that she was so awake and kinda hyper sounding for a Sunday morning after a night out. So i was like 'there's no water in your house?!' and she replied 'No! at T-in the Park!".....'You're at T-in the Park?????' my heart sank.

I mean don't get me wrong I'm so happy for her that she won tickets, i know she really wanted to go this year, but is she's there then it means i don't get to see her...it means she's away doing something amazing and I'm not with her all for the sake of 1 day...and if i hadn't said to get on the stupid tunnel last night then i wouldn't be home yet and i wouldn't know any different and, yeah i'd be upset that I'd missed it...but after not seeing her for 3 weeks and then getting home to find out she's miles away and won't be back possibly till tomorrow....god.it's horrible.

And she sounded so distant on the phone as well..we chatted ..but mostly about 'friend' type stuff...' so how was your holiday?what did you get up to? how was the journey home? How's the gig been so far?how drunk did you get last night'..that kind of thing...The thing is i'd kinda built up us seeing each other again if you know waht i mean. I mean i could have called her from somewhere iun France yesterday, but then firstly we didn't really have any time and secondly, I thought, we've waited this long...if we talk now then we'll say all this stuff and yeah it'll be really great when we actually get to see each other..but you know..i know it sounds stupid, but delayed gratification and all that.....

So when we were talking it was like an anticlimax, cos we were talking but it didn't really sound like her, and we weren't really taking like us and there was this distance and she was so near and so far all at once.....

She texted afterwards to say sorry for being distant she just didn't want to get upset in the middle of lots of people and in that setting..which is fair enough, i hoped it was her 'barrier' thing again and not that she was actually being distant....

But now i have to wait until tomorrow to see her, and it's just not fair...and it's only half past 12 and I've been up for hours and I'm not tired and i don't know what to do and I don't want to talk to anyone else but her and I can't even have a shower cos I have to go through mum and dads room and they're asleep.

I guess I better go and finish unpacking my stuff.

Maybe I'll just go to sleep and when i wake up she'll be here.