So just a quick update on the situation. As mentioned in the 2008 survey the London Ex saw us drunkenly kissing at a work night out. It was a definite' fuck' moment- and I don't mean that in the good way. It was a really stupid thing to do -I mean we didn't do it in view of her but she came to look for us and the rest..well..it an awful thing for her to have seen. Needless to say she was upset and confused about it. We played it as a one off- drunken kiss at work party thing. It seemed like the most sensible thing to do. Of course there are a handful of people who know that that's not true so I was worried about that..anyway long story short I was away on holiday for a week so didn't have to deal with the fallout at work. I got a few texts from him to say he was looking forward to seeing me when i got back and that it had been tough. I got back christmas eve and saw him that night- he got me a present- i didn't get him one (he said he didn't want a girlfriend so i thought it would freak him out!) He filled me in on the situation at work-very mixed reactions. He said we'd need to be very careful and maybe slow things down a bit..Anyway saw him again on Boxing day night over at his. I was wearing a corset and was not impressed by him not jumping on me- surely a corset says 'jump me!' hmmmm, anyway we did have a very nice night but it just took a while to get going.Maybe i should stop ever wearing the corset. The only 2 times I've worn it to actually initiate sex it's ended up being the last time i've slept with that person. I look damn good in it but maybe it's the kiss of death.Discuss.
The next morning we were talking about things and about his ex. When he dropped me off at mine I said that we would have to stop or it was only going to get worse. He agreed. That was that. Since then- nothing. I mean I see him around at work and we sometimes talk normally depending on who is around. The ex is talking to me just fine- said that she didn't want us to fall out over it and that she values my friendship..so now I feel even worse. Before - when he wasn't single- it would have been him cheating on her if I'd allowed it to happen. Now I feel like i cheated on her- as a friend! Argh. She'll never know how good I really was- that was a whole year of advances and I was resolute about nothing hapenning.
Anyway, it's funny how things come full circle. I don't know if he's just being really careful but it really feels like he's not that interested anymore..and now I am. Oh dear. The worst thing is that just that night, the night she caught us, he'd been being all open about his feelings and saying how much he likes me and how he loves every moment he spends with me and although he had been saying he didn't want a girlfriend he could feel it going in that direction. I don't know if that's what I would have wanted- the whole boyfriend thing- but it would have been nice to be able to decide based on how we felt and not on how disapproving everyone else was. God knows I've had secret relationships before- I never thought it would be a straight one that would have to end because of public opinion!! The irony.
He's taking redundancy and leaving at the end of March so won't be around at work for that much longer anyway. Probably all for the best. The faster I can stop thinking that I might see him around at work the better.And the sooner I won't feel like texting him when drunk..or when watching the west wing..or when Liverpool win a game.
Ah bugger it, i'm going to bed- got to be at work early tomorrow. And i'm not at all thinking that I need my beauty sleep incase I see him but you never know who you might meet at work-as it turns out. It could be the person you least suspect you'll fall for.