ok,so now that we just thought we'd got everything sorted out,the reasons why we've been arguing so much and things..we go and have another argument.

It was last night.She was going out with a friend of hers and said she'd call while she was out and i could come out too.. so i waited and eventually got a call just after 11...when i was almost giving up..but i was still happy to hear from her...i'd set up the situation so that i could still go out up until about 20 past 11...it was 5 past when she called.

Anyway that was great,but i had to be home for 12.30 at the latest,and i kinda wanted an early night anyway cos i had an interview this morning.I told her this when i met her and she said that was fine.

She called from her house,so we didn't go out we just went back to hers..the friend had gone home.

It was all good,we spent the little time we had talking and just snuggling on her bed.We talked for a long time about why her friend hadn't liked me in the past and why i don't particularly like her.Levi said she'd like me now though because we're going out.I didn't see what difference that would make really...but anyway...that wasn't what the argument was about.

At 12 i said i would have to go in 15 minutes.She started asking why i had to say that and ruin the last 15 minutes and things(her side of the story ishere.)

The reason i say that is because i know that it takes us at least 15 minutes to say goodnight to each other..so i give warning.Because if we start saying goodnight when i actually have to leave then i'm 15 minutes late home.

For a while now it's been ok.I've been home on time and things.But when i'm late it's kinda like giving a big sign to my parents telling them that i was out with levi.That was one of the first reasons that my mum got suspicious about our relationship way back at the beginning.So to avoid getting a bollocking and the spanish inquisition when i get home i want to be on time.It keeps the parents happy and it keeps me out of trouble.

Levi says that she understands this.I said that she should start to show it .Whenever i try to actaully leave she sits on me or wrestles me onto the bed or to the ground,she takes my shoes or just one of them and won't give it back. So i end up late by about 10 minutes each time.It might not be much to anyone else but it is to my mum and dad.It's really sweet and i know that she's doing it because she loves me and doesn't want me to go,but if she understands everything i just said and the reasons i have for wanting to be home on time,then could we not do the wrestling and saying goonight thing when i give the 15 minute warning instead of when i actually have to go?I've thought about saying i have to be home 15 minutes earlier than i actually do,but i can never do it cos i never want to leave her either..she thinks i don't love her like she loves me because i have to go and be home on time.

She says she understands how my family works..which is very differently from her own...and i think that she does understand it..but i want her to respect it aswell...making me late doesn't just annoy my parents..it gets me into trouble.

And yes i know that loads of you are probably saying that it's time to cut the ties...to be my own person,do my own thing and not let what my parents tell me to do to get in the way of what i want....but i feel alienated enough from them as it is..believe ot or not my family is pretty close knit...and it's supposedly built on trust..something which i'm not exactly worthy of from any of them.So i try to do the other things right..like be on time when they ask....not just to keep them happy but for selfish reasons aswell like saving my own bacon.

Also my mum worries when i'm home late...she reads so many horror stories in the papers about people being stabbed or raped or whatever and she worries about me when i'm late..especially when it's early in the morning and the streets are empty.I think she worries more becasue i'm gay as well....you know if some homophobe were to see me and levi together and decide to get violent about it....

Just like i worry about levi when she walks home by herself late at night..i ask her to call me when she gets in..because i love her and i worry.

So those are my reasons for wanting to be home on time and telling her when i have to be home.She also gets annoyed when i tell her the time i have to be at home at when i arrive at hers or when we meet..it's just so that she knows how long we've got..obviously if we have all day then we can fit more in..if i have to be back in less than an hour because i can't think of an excuse to cover longer than that then we can't do as much.

I do agree that i get paranoid about the time...but i've tried to cut down on that..i'll take my watch off when i get there...and yes i will look at the clock..but only cos we have a tendancy to fall asleep which means that i don't know how much time has passed..or if we've been involved in well...other activites lets say,then the time flies....

And i've said to her in the past..that if she lets me leave when i say i have to then i'll stop being paranoid about the time and checking the clock and giving 15 minute warnings....it hasn't happened yet.

I hate leaving her,i hate going especially if i don't know when i'm gonna see her again and it's always me who has to go because we're either at her house or she has a later curfew.....

I don't see my parents as strict in the respect of times to be home..if i'm going to a club then i'll be home around 3.30 or 4 and the clubs close at 3...i'm allowed to stay over night at people's houses for house parties....i can go up to edinburgh to visit people and stay there even when they know that levi will be there too....but what they do ask is that, when i give them a time that i'll be home at,i should stick to it.

And i want to be able to do that.

I'm sorry it upsets you levi,i do love you with all my heart,i hope you know that...