I have a presentation to give in 9 hours..everything was going relatively ok until i sat down to actually write it and now...nothing.Relatively ok apart from Spivak who writes in double-dutch that is..and uses about 4 different discourses at once.The presentation is on postcolonial literary theory..and now i don't know what to say.Hopefully I'll figure it out before 10 am.

I failed my driving test for the 2nd time..again on things that both myself and my instructor see as very questionable,in that i have never done them before and don't remember them happening quite the way the examiner seems to..at all.But again..there is nothing that can be done to change his mind.He came from a test centre where only 31% of the candidates pass...so i'm not too worried about my actual driving.I can drive.I know this..i'll just have to do it with a provisional license for a bit longer.Idiot.How much of my money do they want at all?

I updated this a few nights ago with everything from my birthday night out to the present day..and then my computer crashed.

I have a kind-of-not-really date tomorrow.I know.It's with this girl from the land of the internet who knows some people i know..but that i haven't asked about her since they're my cousins.I'm freaked out by it all and not really in a good way..as in i'm more worried than excited, and that surely isn't a good sign.I'm still not sure about my whole liking guys or girls thing and a bit messed up about stuff like i have been since summer..so i don't honestly see this going anywhere..but i'll never know unless i try right?I just feel a bit bad cos she was talking about femme girls always turning out to be straight in the end(in her experience)Hmm.will that be me too?I don't really want to be straight.I'd feel much safer and comfortable with a girl but i just don't know if i'll be physically attracted to her.or another girl.But then again am i trying to go out with guys?no.so what the hell am i doing?Who knows.I think i'm a bit scared of men in a way..i wouldn't feel in control in a relationship with a guy.And i don't know where i'm going with this apart from backwards in to my mixed up state of last summer instead of forwards into a good 'i have a date' place.But i'm freaked out and a bit worried and just hope i can actually eat at lunch with her tomorrow instead of pushing food around my place and feeling ill like i usually get when i'm worried.I don't want to get myself back to where i was because of this.One part of me says that its not a good idea because i don't feel completley ready for this kind of thing yet.The other part says that if i don't do it now then i will never be ready...and that the first part is making too big a deal of this.So far i'm trying to listen to the 2nd part..and hoping that it prevails tomorrow.I've talked to her online which was good and on the phone a couple of times..which was ok but a bit strange..a new voice and getting-to know-you questions.Something i've not done for a long time.And i've never just gone out with someone before actually knowing them first...never mind never having met them.What am i doing?!We have both agreed that we're just meeting as friends and its not really a date..cos you can't really have a date with someone you don't even know if you're interested in yet.so..yeah.

Levi came over for a short visit tonight to pick up her dissertation which i was proofreading for her.It was nice and happy and comfortable and she smelled good.. and it made me wonder if i could be that comfortable with anyone else again.

bah.

Now i only have 9 hours to write this presentation..and that doesn't give me time to sleep,wash my hair,iron clothes,eat or actually get to uni.I'm going to looke like crap tommorow anyway so i really dont have to worry about this 'date' maybe going anywhere.

Well that's one problem solved.

8 hours and 54 minutes...