well after a FANTASTIC week with Levi,which because of my lack of internet access i have not been able to let you all know about :( my parents returned home last night.

As they pulled up infront of the house my heary sank..literally..i could feel it descending to the depths of my stomach ..down through my legs and leaving by some opening in my toes.Not that i dind't want them to come back...i just wanted them to stay away a little while longer.

I don't want them back cos they know that i saw Levi while they were away.My sister very kindly informed them for me..so that they can come home and settle down and after showing holiday photos and giving presents,sit me down and have one of their 'talks'.

I think maybe it's time for another talk now though..things have been pushed aside for the last 3 months,everyone pretending that nothings wrong until something forces them to see that it is (like me going crazy and taping Young Americans every week even when i was in the house and could watch it..and rewinding the bits with Jake in them so i could see her again) And they don't even know the half of it...what we got up to while they were away..but i'm not volunteering that information...not at all.

i do feel bad about not telling them,but still..they can't expect me to stay away from her for a week when theres no one here to enforce 'the law' can they?

I don't know..maybe this is a good thing,that they found out..cos it means that instead of having to wait for their specified 6 months to be over maybe we can sit down and talk at the half way point which is right now..and maybe i can make them realise that me being gay is not going to change..i'm 18..and for the last 3 months when maybe sometimes i have been doubting what i am ..all i have to do is remmind myself that i the only people (besides Levi) who i've been attracted to,at least in the last 3 months have been girls.

Maybe it's about time i brought that fact to their attention.

This is not going to change.