I hate him.

Her ex.

I know i shouldn't..i try not to. but i do.I hate him.

He's spontaneous.He can drop everything to be with her.He still loves her.I don't blame him..it's hard not to.It's hard to get mad with her,or stay mad.It's hard to live without her.So he doesn't want to that's fair enough.

But he can so stuff that i can't do.He can sit in the park with her at summer until late at night with a bottle of baillies and stolen glasses getting drunk.

He can go for walks at one in the morning in the snow and watch her be happy and laugh and throuw snowballs in the middle of winter.

And in spring,in the spring he can go to the pub at 5.30 in the afternoon with her and talk when I should be talking to her because we had an argument and because we need to talk.

But i can't.

Because I'm not spontaneous.I'd like to be.I just can't be.I had to work today.I didn't know i would have to until friday night and even then I didn't know when I'd be starting or finishing.So i couldn't be there.I couldn't be with her.

I don't hate him because he's a bad guy.I mean I've never liked him but just because he's with her and because he can be with her.because if they were together they wouldn't have to hide the fact that they were.Because he still loves her,because he wants her back,because of the way i see him look at her whenever they're withing a few feet of each other.And because,the times when she says to me 'i wish you could have been there' or 'I wanted you to be there' it's not enough that she wanted it,or that I wanted it becuase i can't be there.But he can be,and so he is.

And so I hate him.Because he is in control of his own life. And because HE 's spontaneous.

And I'm not.